Shadows Denied
by TheStrangeAndBeautiful
Summary: ‘The shadows were in her eyes as well as under them and he knew she was dying.’ House / Cameron. Angst/ Romance. House is finally forced to admit he loves Cameron. *References to major character death.*
1. 4 Months

'_**Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict. -Norman Cousins'**_

'Trust you to wait until she gets terminal cancer to admit you love her.'

'I must be turning into you.' Wilson rolled his eyes. 'Or her.' House added as an after thought.

'How long have you known?' He ventured a glance at Wilson.

'Long enough to have dealt with the shock and grief.' Wilson looked down.

'She's not dead yet.' House tapped his cane on the floor and looked around the room. 'How long?' he finally asked.

'How long have I known or how long has she got?'

House twisted his lips; watching the hurt flicker in Wilson's eyes and considering the question.'

'Well it was about 1 and a half months ago when you went through that weird depression stage... I figured it was about one of your patients… but maybe not…' He watched Wilson's face for a reaction. 'And about 2 weeks ago that she started actually looking sicker than she did tired… so…'

'Before you start estimating time of death…' Wilson held up his hand; House's curiosity sickening him. 'She came to me – like you said – about 1 to 2 months ago- but by then the cancer was too advanced... I gave her a year, maybe 2 with treatment.' He sighed. 'But without treatment, maybe 6 months.'

House nodded and Wilson saw him try to hide pain. He turned to leave the room.

'House.' Wilson said quickly. 'She hasn't been having treatment.'

'I know. I think I would have noticed the loss of hair or time she took off work.' He bit back sarcastically.

'Maybe you can change her mi…' But the door slammed cutting of Wilson's plea of a suggestion.

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	2. List

'_**Sometimes you just need to look reality in the eye, and deny it. -Garrison Keillor'**_

_House had drawn a line down the middle of the white board. He'd used the right for any patients they dealt with as a team. He used the left for his own, ongoing diagnosis._

'_Why is it taking you so long to figure out this mystery case?' Foreman asked; frustrated whilst trying to squeeze the last remaining symptoms of their current patient into the small space on the right of the line. _

'_Focus on this patient.' House snapped; bored of the prying questions he'd been receiving for the past few weeks. _

'_Patient A' He'd titled his side of the board and underneath read only 3 general symptoms which caused Foreman to sigh and Chase to roll his eyes at every time they entered the room. Cameron frowned at the words on occasion but mostly remained irritated along with her colleagues at House's secrecy and apparent obsession with this 'Patient A'. _

'_Possible headaches._

_Depression._

_Nausea.'_

_When they had a spare moment Chase and Foreman couldn't resist a comment._

'_Nausea is too general a symptom.'_

'_And possible headaches can't even be considered a symptom. I mean, come on! Possible?'_

'_Depression could be irrelevant.'_

'_Yes thank you!' House would exclaim sarcastically before throwing a glance at Cameron and changing the subject. Sometimes she looked back, eyes almost asking. Sometimes she joined in with Chase and Foreman. Sometimes she didn't even seem to hear._


	3. 4 Months 2

_**When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. -Helen Keller**_

'He told you he loves her?' Cuddy stood up quickly as Wilson shut her office door behind him.

'Well not in those words but he told me he cares about her.'

'Well she's been part of his team for 2 years; of course he cares about her.'

'He told me I'd better tell him what's going on or he'd kill me.'

'Irrational anger. Usually his threats are realist.' She commented.

'When I asked why he had this look…' Wilson shook his head. 'I don't know how to explain it but I've never seen it before… I told him there was more to it than him caring for his immunologist. I asked him if he loved her.'

'He didn't deny it?' Cuddy was sceptical but becoming more convinced.

'Nope!' Wilson was excited and amazed; almost forgetting the situation and letting his sadness fall away momentarily. 'He told me it was because he cared.'

'And he didn't deny that he loved her!' This time it was a statement rather than a question. 'You do realise this isn't a good thing.'

'House is in love... this is something he's been needing for...'

'Yes but Cameron is dying. He's only going to get hurt.' Cuddy shook her head sadly.

'I guess you're right.' Wilson rubbed his forehead; distressed. 'I guess at least they'll have some time together - Cameron will finally get what she's been wanting ever since she met House - to be loved by him.'

'Right! Like he's just going to tell her!' Cuddy snapped sarcastically. She saw Wilsons expression and sighed. 'I'm sorry- I just wish there was something we could do for her...'

'If we could get her to have treatment.' Wilson agreed. 'I know it's not pleasant but it would give her so much longer.'

'I guess she just doesn't want her death prolonged. I can understand.'

'Me too.' They shared a look of despreation, sadness and comfort.

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**Thank you for reading so far. Please could you let me know what you think? **


	4. Signs

_**Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent. -Jean Kerr**_

_She dropped the coffee pot and missed her grip on the door handle. Most people wouldn't have cared about the first or noticed the second. But he did. He added 'un-coordination' to his list. Not long after, more incidents confirmed his diagnosis. _

'_Who is this person?' Foreman exclaimed rolling his eyes at Cameron who sat in the corner, chewing her lip nervously. She shrugged quickly in reply. _

* * *

_It was a slow day and he spun his cane incessantly around and around whilst watching Chase frowning over yet another cross word and Cameron fix herself a sandwich. Foreman marched into the office with a file as Cameron sat down to eat. House rolled his eyes and ordered Foreman to read the file out loud. Chase stopped filling in the squares and looked up to listen. Foreman hadn't been reading long when House stopped him with a quick and what he considered boring diagnosis. _

'_You should be embarrassed you didn't know that.'_

'_Cuddy sent me up with it.' Foreman shrugged._

'_Back to clinic duty.' House nodded towards the door. He watched Foreman leave and turned his attention back to the other two members of his team._

'_Haven't you got anything better to do other than watch us?' Chase moaned; irritated with the cane that was being twirled near to his ear. House opened his mouth to retort but Cameron suddenly pushed her chair back and ran over to the trash can. Chase winced; disgusted and House frowned; interested as she gagged and coughed over it. _

'_Are you alright?' Chase stood up once she'd finished and made towards her._

'_Fine.' She smiled embarrassedly at Chase. 'Must have a stomach bug.'_

'_Either that or something in your sandwich is off.' Chase shrugged. 'Maybe you should go home.'_

'_I'll be ok.' She picked up her hand bag. 'I'll just go and brush my teeth and then I'll help Foreman in the clinic.'_

_House waited for the evening and for his team to leave for home before adding to his list. _

'_Vomiting'._


	5. 4 Months 3

**_When one door closes, another door always opens-but these long hallways are a real drag. -bumper sticker_**

'You're dying.' He saw her tense and watched as she slowly closed her locker and turned around to face him; face pale, clutching her bag tightly. She didn't speak and he didn't know what he wanted her to say so he spoke again. 'Wilson told me.' Now she nodded slowly.

'You already knew.'

'I suspected but needed confirmation.'

'Confirmation that you were right.' The shadows caught the bones on her face and her shoulders and neck. 'Well done. You solved yet another case.' She smiled sweetly but it was also sadly.

'If you'd have just told me I…'

'I couldn't.' She cut in, raising her voice slightly.

'Dying in secret. Very noble.'

'I wasn't trying to be noble House.' His eyes pierced into hers but he couldn't see how she felt. He couldn't read her. 'I guess I…' She paused unsure as to whether to continue. Unsure of what she wanted to say. 'wanted to go along as normal.'

'You were in denial.' He stepped aside as she slowly walked towards the door behind him.

'I didn't want to see it in people's eyes. I didn't want them treating me differently- always reminding me.' He nodded now as she slipped past him, a twinge of pleading creeping into her eyes. She wanted him to stop talking and to let her go. 'Why shouldn't I try to escape it for as long as I can?' He'd almost let her go but her last comment snapped him back into his challenging self.

'If you want to escape it for as long as you can, have the treatment.'

She stopped and he saw her shoulders lower under the strain.

'That wouldn't be escaping.' She shook her head, her loose curls tousling against her jacket. 'The treatment would make me feel worse; more tired and more sick. You know that.' She smiled again when she saw the sadness in his eyes. 'It's ok House. Really. I'll still be here to work on your cases. I'll still cover your clinic hours and answer you mail… For as long as I can, I'll still be here.' He nodded again, once and finally let her walk away.


	6. Shadows

_**Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary. It happens all the time.- Susan Cheever.**_

_The list of symptoms had been getting longer and whilst Chase had grown bored and now ignored its presence and Foreman had grown curious and began to question its presence even more frequently, Cameron had grown quiet and reserved and nervous._

_To the list of '__Possible headaches, depression, nausea __and un-coordination' had now been added:_

'_Weakness in arms, possibly legs. _

_Drowsiness_

_Changes in personality._

_Loss of appetite.' _

_He had also crossed 'possible headaches' out and replaced it with 'severe headaches'._

'_You know.' Foreman piped up one morning over coffee. 'Those symptoms are pretty much describing some sort of neurological disorder – maybe a tumours, brain cancer…'_

'_That's what I thought.' House eyed Cameron._

* * *

_Then he barged into Wilson's office, as he usually did, expecting him to be filling out paper work or talking to a patient, to find him knelt down on the floor. The body that lay in front of him convulsed. Wilson swung around._

'_Get out House!' He shouted and House didn't need to be told twice. He shut the door behind him and headed for the clinic. He needed time to think and diagnosing people with colds would give him that. _

_An hour later and he returned to his office. He poured himself a coffee and turned to the white board. Pulling the lid off of his pen he dropped his eyes down the list and moved to add to it. He stopped. _

'_Seizure.' Had already been tagged on the end of the list. He frowned, recognising the hand writing. No curly 'G' but definitely hers. He heard the door close quietly behind him and turned; the frown still clinging to his brows._

_Cameron stood, back against the door, arms folded in front of her, lab coat baggy, head tilted to the side, face pasty and eyes dark. He ran his eyes over her and found himself suppressing a shudder. _

_The shadows were in her eyes as well as under them and he knew she was dying._

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**Please let me know what you think.  
To stop any confusion - chapters in italics are back in time - you probaly know that already.**


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